Monday, April 18, 2011

Decision Making...

and how I'm apparently terrible at it.

I am by my very nature a person that loves to love people. I don't know a stranger and I (most of the time) know no enemy. I forgive very easily and I hate to hold grudges. 

That being said...

I like to know that my past friends (both male and female) and boyfriends are doing well in life and I get a little tinge of excitement when something goes well in their life too. (i.e. getting engaged, getting married, getting pregnant, having babies, graduating college, getting a good job, etc...) I love being able to celebrate when they do. I love when happy things happen to people who have been in my life. What I apparently shouldn't do is show that I have that excitement for them. I'm not the kind of person that hates people out of my past. If it weren't for those people I probably wouldn't be the person that I am today (both good and bad). The thing that sucks about the past is that more often than not it should probably stay there. This is where my bad decision making comes into effect. 
I have a few "friends" from my past that I don't talk to for numerous reasons and some in my life currently that I probably shouldn't have. But, none the less they have and will drop in and drop out of my life. 
There are a few things that get me into trouble....
1. Having friends that are guys.

I know that I am a married woman and I know that I have a wonderful husband and son. But, what I should probably step away from is having friends that are guys. It looks bad and to be quite frank, people judge you when they see you with a guy that isn't your husband. Now I know I would NEVER cheat on Derek or even think about cheating on Derek but I never want to put myself in the kind of position where it could be questioned. I have a few good guy friends, not near as many as I had in high school or the first couple years of college but a few. I'm starting to break that bad decision making patten by hanging out with the ones that I can truly trust and the ones that Derek trusts as well.

2. Congratulating ex-boyfriends or ex-boyfriends significant others

Like I said before, I love to celebrate when something goes well for someone out of my past. But, this too needs to be broken. Apparently it looks like I'm still caught up on the particular person, when in reality...I'm just really happy for them (the ex and their significant other). I don't say or do things to be malicious or rub it in their face that I dated them first...I'm just genuinely happy for them. I mean it's not like the whole time I was with that person it was horrible. We obviously had a few good times in the past. But, another lesson learned. Don't congratulate any ex boyfriends or their significant others. No matter how long ago it was that you dated them. They probably don't care and their family will think you're still obsessing over them.
3. Don't try to befriend girls that you went to high school with who you don't talk to anymore

They obviously aren't in your life anymore for a reason. I've tried be-befriending a couple people from my past and it just doesn't work. Nine times out of 10 the reason why we stopped talking in the first place was some stupid petty fight...and yes 7 years later it still will come back to bite you in the ass. So, make NEW friends but keep SOME of the old. The best people I have in my life right now are the ones who are still always there for me no matter what. They are there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on or someone to understand the same situation that I'm going through. I'm very thankful for the people I have in my life now. It's nice to know that not every person out there is going to end a long friendship over not paying them back for a $2.50 lunch tab. Remember it's the quality of a friendship not the quantity of friends you have. 

1 comment:

Karen said...

So I just wrote you this whole long post about how I was struggling with the same things, with examples. It was seriously long, then, Blogger "was unable to complete my request" when I submitted it. GRR!

Anyway, I just wanted you to know someone was in THE EXACT same boat as you and if you need to talk I'm here. :D

Also, I think it's okay to have guy friends, and be happy for others babe. You just have to be careful how you show excitement.
My beau is the exact opposite of me. He could care less what's become of people from the past, so he sometimes doesn't understand why I care, but that's the kind of person I am, and so are you.