Tuesday, August 16, 2011

It's been one of those days...

I'm stressed.
I'm PMSing.
I'm moody.
I made a big mistake at work.
I have a lot of work to do.
I'm short on $ this week.
I'm working my butt off to keep my head above water.
...and it's not working.

I made a big mistake at work that is causing a lot of stress to a lot of people. I took full blame for it and have tried my hardest not to show what I'm actually feeling inside. On the outside I'm being strong and taking the blame for the mistake I made but on the inside I seriously want to break down and bawl my eyes out.

I'm trying my hardest to save money by not buying the "stuff" that I want. The shopping fast has definitely helped me think about what I buy before I buy it but I feel like no matter what we still go negative in our bank account every week. I'm so incredibly tired right now. I can hardly keep my eyes open. I'm trying to make extra money on the side to help with the finances but it's just a drop in the hat compared to the whole picture. I feel so incredibly helpless right now.

I know the job I'm at isn't right for me. But it's a job none the less. I feel like I spin my wheels but I'm only spinning in the mud and sinking. I want to help people. I want to provide graphics and artwork to people that will make them happy. I want to do what makes me happy....which is making other people happy.

My entire life I have striven to make people happy by doing everything I can with what God has given me. I don't feel like my calling is where I work now. But, I don't have a choice as of right now. I don't make enough with my graphics to quit my job and I don't have good enough benefits through school to quit my job. I have been praying relentlessly for God to give me an opportunity to do what I love but it's not been given yet. God has a plan for everything and I'm trusting in him to help me though this.

He sent a little ray of sunshine my way just when my day was starting to overwhelm me. There is nothing better than holding a sleeping baby in your arms and that's just what he sent me. It was instant stress relief for me to hold the sweet baby girl that one of my co-workers had 6 weeks ago. She was so adorable and it made me so thankful to have those short minuets with her. It helped calm me down and let me get a break from the stress from work.

I know there are people out there that would kill for a job with benefits but right now to me it's not worth it. I stress out, my heart starts acting up, I get so tired I go to bed super early, and I don't get to spend quality time with Stratton. I just want change for the better. Not something that is going to kill me because I'm so stressed.

4 comments:

Emmy said...

::hugs::

Hang in there Em - you can do it. And if you even need anything - please feel free to let me know. :)

Karen said...

Well the good news is that you can still make changes babe. You are a remarkable person and I know you will find something right for you. Good luck babe. Sorry you're feeling so down, but keep your chin up.

Erica said...

You should really check out Dave ramsey! He's amazing! It's a great program to getting debt free!

He'll give great advice but you have to be ready to do it, starting with cutting cable, lowering cell phone plans, maybe getting rid of a car, trading it in, etc if both of you aren't on board though it isn't gonna work. (been there done that) hope it helps! :)

Les said...

Sorry you're feeling blue. I'm right there with you with the whole "this job isn't for me" thing. Sometimes God puts us somewhere for a reason though...even if we don't always know why. I'll be praying for you. And keep up with the side jobs! I know you'll get to live your dream soon!!

Also, like Erica said, Dave Ramsey is awesome. I have one of his books, and also Cape Bible Chapel is starting a class about it if you're interested. xoxo