13 Weeks

Well, as some of you have probably noticed, I haven't been updating my blog lately. Over the last couple of weeks I have had this nagging feeling that something was wrong. It turns out I was right. Last week my mom was in the hospital with a tick born illness called ehrlichiosis. It's basically like Lyme's Disease but instead of it being viral it's bacterial and can be treated. Tuesday last week my mom headed to the hospital while Derek packed for the NAMM show in Nashville, Tn. Wednesday morning I woke up and noticed some spotting when I went to the bathroom. I immediately started freaking out and called the doctors office where they reassured me that as long as it hadn't turned red and I wasn't having any cramping that I was ok. Thursday went by with no change but on Friday night that brown turned to red, then the red turned into more red with clots. I knew something was really wrong. I called the doctor again and they put me on bed rest until I could get in on Monday morning. All the while I was thinking this was just because I've been stressed because my mom was in the hospital, Derek was gone, etc., etc.

I say that I have had that bed feeling for a few weeks because I borrowed my friend Erica's home Dopper about a week ago and spent an hour trying to find the baby's heartbeat with no success. I just knew something was wrong but I just prayed about and told myself everything would be ok. Monday morning I called the doctors office again to get an emergency appointment scheduled. At 10:30 Derek and I got to the office and waited, and waited, and waited. It seemed like an eternity. They finally called us back and I saw the nurse practitioner. Who I absolutely love, she is seriously the sweetest woman ever and I'm so glad she did my appointment. She did a pelvic exam (which hurt...a lot) and then tried to find the heartbeat with the Doppler. She tried for a few minuets with no success. I knew then and there that if she hadn't found one with the Doppler in the office they wouldn't find one at all. This is when I lost it. I knew I had lost the baby. Derek tried to stay hopefully by telling me that maybe the baby was just in a bad position but I knew. They immediately got us an appointment with the ultrasound technician. I knew it was a bad sign when she turned the screen away from us. She said nothing when she was done and got the nurse practitioner again. When she walked back in her face said it all. My baby was gone.

She told us that the baby stopped growing around 9 weeks. I was almost 13 weeks at my appointment. They wanted to schedule a D&C the next day but I just wasn't ready to deal with that yet. I was numb. I still am numb. The rug has been completely pulled out from under my feet. I went home from the appointment and just cried. My family came over and kept my mind off of it for a little while. Derek and I went to bed that night holding each other a little tighter that night. Stratton stayed with Derek's parents so we could have some time to ourselves. Tuesday morning around 3:30am I woke up having some cramping. By 5:30am I was having contractions that were so bad that they took my breath away and brought me to my knees. It felt like I was in labor only worse. I had nothing to numb any of the pain. It was full blown labor without anything to help me at all. At 8:00am Derek called the doctors office to get some pain medication prescribed to me but the girl just took a message and said she would call us back. After another hour and a half of me screaming and crying from the pain Derek called again to tell them I was still in a lot of pain and that I was in dire need of some pain medication. Finally the other nurse got on the phone and Derek told her what was going on and how long I've been in pain and she prescribed me some Vicodin. My parents came over with some food and my mom had to watch me for several hours cry and writhe in pain. My poor dad had to leave. Understandably so. I was sobbing and screaming because it's all I knew to do. The pain just took my breath away. I managed to get some breakfast down while Derek went and got the pain medication. I laid in the bath while my mom watched over me. I took my first pain medicine in the bathtub and wound up on the floor right after I got out because I felt like I was going to pass out. The bath felt amazing. The pain medicine has made me super loopy but oh so very pain free both mentally and physically.

It's Wednesday today and I'm still feeling pretty numb and raw. I can't watch TV and I can't open the door to the nursery without starting to sob. But, I know time will pass and it will get easier to deal with these feelings. I have been praying for God to give me strength. I know He has a plan for me and that things happen for a reason. I'm not sure what my plan is or why this happened but I'm trusting Him.      

To answer some questions I know you all probably have.
I go in again on Monday to see if I will or will not need the D&C. From as much as I have passed, they don't expect for me to need one. I will not be going to work this week as I'm on Vicodin and can't even walk to the bathroom by myself. I was 9 weeks when I lost the baby and would have been 13 weeks tomorrow. I'm not mad or resentful. I'm not jealous of those who have healthy pregnancies right now either. I know God has a plan for me and being negative just makes me lose my path.

Thank you all in advance for the love and prayers.

Trusting in God

Just a word of warning. If you are a guy you will most likely not want to read this post. Or if you're not into that whole TMI thing don't read this either.

I woke up this morning and took a shower. Which is unusual because I always take a shower at night before bed. I was getting cleaned up when I noticed that I had some brown discharge coming from you know where. I hurried up and got out of the shower and went to the bathroom to double check that it really was brown that I was seeing and not just me having horrible vision in the morning and being in a dark shower. Sure enough there was some brown down there. I wiped again and it seemed to be gone. I prayed for a quick second that God would make sure everything was fine and then got dressed. I pulled Derek in our bedroom and told him what was going on. He obviously had NO idea what any of what I was saying meant until I told him that the brown color was old blood. He kind of looked nervous after that.

I put on my happy face for Stratton while we took him to the baby sitters house and made my way to work. I called the dr right at 8:00 and they called me back a few hours. I of course was perusing all over the internet to make sure that everything was ok. I think I psyched myself out a little and then calmed myself down. Reading different posts from girls that are just as far as me made me feel better about it.

Sure enough as soon as the doctors office called the nurse said it was normal and that unless it turned red or pink that I had nothing to worry about. Whew! I have been trusting in God today to make sure I don't drive myself crazy with worry and it seems to be working. Just as soon as I got off the phone with the nurse I felt the baby kick. I have been feeling it move around just a little tiny bit every now and then for about a week now. I know it seems early but I know for sure it's the baby kicking and not gas bubbles.

I have been borrowing my friend Erica's home Doppler for the last few days trying to find the baby's heartbeat and have had no luck. I think it's a mixture of not really knowing what I'm doing and being so early on in my pregnancy. I got a little bummed last night because I couldn't find it so I deep cleaned my bathroom. The nurse said that was probably another reason why I had a little spotting. I apparently over worked myself last night.

Anyway, I will have some pictures up hopefully tonight of our 4th of July and some more pregnancy updates.

Slacking

Well as you all can probably tell I have been majorly slacking when it comes to my pregnancy posts. I have been less than enthusiastic about my tiny bump and didn't think it warranted weekly posts just yet.

This week was pretty uneventful. We had my mom and dad over for dinner last night and later on Garrett, Steph and Payne came over because their power was out.

This week should be pretty good considering we only have a 4 day work week. Tonight we're eating dinner with Derek's family and Tuesday night we are going to a 4th of July party at Derek's brother Josh's house. It should be a pretty great time. Wednesday morning Derek and the family are going to be playing in the Jackson Park mud volley ball tournament. I'm pretty excited to go and watch. Trust me there will be plenty of pictures involved.

As for my pregnancy, nothing has really changed other than my dr apt again. It was bumped back again to the 24th of July. Oh well.

Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 10 Weeks
Size of Baby: Size of a lime (2in, .3oz)
Total Weight Gain/loss: one lb. there I said it. I have officially gained a pound.
Maternity Clothes: None so far - I've been wearing some stretchy pants and I'm now having to use a hair tie to keep my jeans up.
Gender: Not sure yet
Movement: Some tiny little popcorn kernels popping every now and then
Sleep: I've been sleeping a lot better lately. With Stratton finally sleeping back in his bed I have been sleeping like a rock. I've definitely been having some strange dreams but sleep has been a lot easier lately.
What I miss: Nothing yet.
Cravings: Lots and lots of fruit.
Symptoms: None lately. I haven't even really felt pregnant to be honest.
Best moment this week: Finally getting some much needed rain. Thank the lord.
How am I doing: I have been up and down this week. Sometimes I'm on top of the world and the next min I'm in tears. I blame it on the hormones.
Bible Verse for the Week: Psalm 105:4 Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.

7 Weeks

Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 7 Weeks
Size of Baby: Size of a raspberry (.5in long)
Total Weight Gain/Loss: zero. I'm still at my "normal" weight
Maternity Clothes: None so far - I've been wearing some stretchy pants and I'm now having to use a hair tie to keep my jeans up. 
Gender: Not sure yet
Movement: None so far
Sleep: I've been sleeping a lot better lately. Derek and I switched sides in our bed and I've been sleeping MUCH better. Stratton has been hopping in bed with us around midnight so after that I don't sleep very well. My allergies are still kicking my butt lately too. 
What I miss: Nothing yet. 
Cravings: I had some pretty strong cravings for hummus lately. 
Symptoms: A little bit of morning sickness and some pudge around my mid section.
Best moment this week: Stratton playing tag with the baby this morning.
How am I doing: I'm actually doing pretty well lately. Derek and I have been putting money back in the bank and we even bought a second hand crib from a friend of mine. I'm ready for the weekend for sure to get some well deserved  rest and relaxation. 
Bible Verse for the Week: Psalm 105:4 Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always. 


Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

6 Weeks

Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 6 Weeks
Size of Baby: Size of a blue berry (.25in long)
Total Weight Gain/Loss: zero. I'm back at my "normal" weight
Maternity Clothes: None so far - but stretchy pants are definitely going to be in the near future. My jeans are already starting to get tight
Gender: Not sure yet
Movement: None so far
Sleep: I've been sleeping horribly. My allergies have been horrible and I refuse to take anything while I'm pregnant. Any home remedies you all can send me would be MUCH appreciated. 
What I miss: Nothing yet. 
Cravings: None so far. 
Symptoms: A little bit of morning sickness and some pudge around my mid section.
Best moment this week: Stratton and I laying in bed and him playing with my hair until he fell asleep. 
How am I doing: This week has actually gone by really quick. Monday we were off work for the holiday and so we spent it with family. Both sides! My parents came over to Jackson to spend the day with Derek's family and us. It was really nice getting the whole family together. Tuesday I wasn't really feeling great, so Derek and I took a half day and lounged around the house. It was nice to get to spend that quality time with him. Lately I've been mulling over the decision to go to school next semester. I would have to do something online but I think it would be worth it to just get some online classes so I don't lose my pell grand and so I don't have to start paying on my student loan. Keep me in your prayers so that I can make a decision quick that is good for me and my family. 
Bible Verse for the Week: Psalm 27:1 The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?


Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

Hello There Pregnancy Symptoms

Oh my goodness. I have no idea how people don't know they are pregnant until the baby is falling out of them. I have had morning sickness like it is nobody's business the last couple of days. I'm trying to eat small meals throughout the day so I don't get full and feel even more sick and it seems to be helping a little bit. I've also been drinking 64oz of water while I'm at work. I've timed it out to do 8oz of water every hour. It seems like a lot when I have my two huge nalgene bottles FULL of water every morning but when it comes down to it, I usually have to pace myself so I don't drink all my water before noon. Of course I'm going to the bathroom every couple of hours but to be honest, I actually feel pretty good about drinking that much water. My skin last week was definitely showing signs that my hormones are changing. My chin completely broke out with tiny little white heads and then I got a huge deep under the skin pimple that just hurts ALL on my chin.  I'm trying to go au natural lately so I don't have to wake up super early and do my makeup. I've been SO tired lately it seems. I'm also trying to do the aluminum free deodorant lately too. I picked up an all natural kind from Sephora that smells like Lavender Vanilla. It's smells amazing. The only down side I have noticed so far though is that I sweat like a PIG from my pits. I wind up still smelling a little "ripe" by the end of the day and wind up having to at least rinse off in the shower.

After reading back over that last paragraph it makes me sound like a sack of yuck! Haha I don't know how Derek can stand sleeping next to me at night. Planning for Little Bit #2 has been pretty fun lately. We have been  mulling over names the last couple of days and we have been trying to think of what we are going to do with Stratton's room and Stratton's play room. Stratton has his own room (which he hasn't been sleeping in lately) and he also has the room next to his (for his massive amount of toys). We are trying to decide if we want to

a) move Stratton into his toy room and make it his toy/bedroom and make his old room the nursery
b) move Stratton's toys into his bedroom and make toy room the nursery
c) move Stratton's toys into my office downstairs and make his toy room the nursery

Our problem is that Stratton has WAY too many toys that he doesn't play with anymore. Stratton also has a lot of "stuff" in his room that doesn't necessarily need to be in his room. i.e. drum kit, book shelf, random lamp. Over the next couple of months be prepared to see renovations to our house. Also, if you know anyone who needs some kids toys let me know. I think we may have to have  garage sale to get rid of most of them.

Hope everyone had a great weekend. I know we did.

I'm 5 weeks!
Pregnancy Highlights:
How Far Along: 5 Weeks
Size of Baby: Size of an orange seed
Total Weight Gain/Loss: Lost 4lbs - I think it's because of stress and loss of apatite
Maternity Clothes: None so far - but if anyone would like to send some my way it would be much appreciated.
Gender: Not sure yet
Movement: None so far
Sleep: I've been sleeping on the couch for the last few days because Stratton has been sneaking into our bed around midnight
What I miss: Nothing yet. Maybe my apatite.
Cravings: None so far. I've been queasy so food hasn't looked all that great.
Symptoms: No period for one. A little bit of morning sickness but nothing horrible.
Best moment this week: Stratton telling me he wants a boy baby so that he can have a friend to play with.
How am I doing: Well this week has been a roller coaster of emotions. When I first found out I was pregnant, I was seriously awestruck. I didn't know what to do. We had only been trying for two months when I got pregnant so it was kind of a surprise that it happened so fast. Haha. We found out Monday night that we were expecting at around 9:30pm. I went for a walk with my sister-in-law Steph and we talking about pregnancy and stuff like that and it had me wondering why I hadn't started yet. I didn't even think about it at the time but I was 5 days late on Monday. I went to Dollar General (I know it's super classy) at 9:00 p.m. and got 3 one dollar tests. They're super cheap but hey, they work. I took the first test out of the box, did my business in a cup and put some on the test. What I didn't know was that Groucho was in the bathroom with me and before I could dump the cup out, Groucho spilled the entire cup on the bathroom floor. I proceeded to clean up the nasty mess of my own filth on the floor and almost forgot about the test. I was too busy bleaching and disinfecting everything. (If you know me you know I am OCD about germs. It's my sisters fault. She took microbiology.) I turned around finally and noticed the test and that there were TWO PINK LINES on it. Now if you remember my first pregnancy when I took a test with two lines you remember that I firmly denied being pregnant because if I was pregnant it would have been TWO PINK LINES not one super pink line and a barely there pink line. Being older and wiser now I knew better. Haha. Amazing what 4 years will do to you. Other than that it was pretty exciting getting to tell everyone. Most everyone was super excited about it. Derek and I excited / nervous / terrified all at the same time. Most of all we feel blessed that God has given us the gift of another little one.
Bible Verse for the Week: Philippians 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving in your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Just A Little Good News

I once was just 1 and then I found you...

Then "I" became "we" and "we" became 2...

Nine months of waiting...

Our "we" because 3...

Such a great family were you, him and me...

Now he's getting tall...

and we wanted one more...
so guess what? our "we"
is soon to be 4

Due January 2013

5 weeks

3 Week Wedding Planning 101

So, I'm pregnant, it's February, and now we have to plan a wedding.

I didn't want to wait till after the baby was here to get married. It's a pride thing. I wanted to have my HUSBANDS baby. Not my boyfriends.

So I sat down with my mom and Derek and we went over all the possible dates we could have the wedding before I started to look like the Goodyear Blimp. Turns out the only date we could get in the next 5 months (from February to June) was February 23rd. Exactly 3 weeks after we found out we were pregnant.

So, my mom being the workaholic that she is set in and started making plans and getting things together. We got very fortunate with everything.

My cousin Beth owns her own business and she makes invitations and stuff like that for a living. She very kindly made our wedding invitations in no time flat. ( thank you so much Beth! ) They were so beautiful.

Next came the table decorations. My Auntie Pam is quite the seamstress and made out table runners with one of her friends and had them sent to us from Lexington, KY where she lives in less than a week. ( thank you so much Auntie Pam! )

Then came the flowers. My mom set in quick and got all my flowers (red roses and red carnations) for whole sale! They were so beautiful! ( thank you mom! )

Next was my dress. It was so beautiful. My mom, step mom-in-law, sister-in-law, and best friend Sarah went to Davids bridal and picked out the perfect one. It fit perfect and the only thing that had to be altered was the length.

The food was bought by Derek's dad and step mom and the some of the deserts were bought by Derek's mom and step dad.

Our wedding cakes were made by the sweetest old lady that a relative of Derek's. She made three white icing cakes 2 vanilla and a chocolate and she did it all for free. (thank you Edith!)

My dad's best friend is a Baptist preacher from Advance, Mo and I always thought that he would be perfect for the job. So I called him up and asked if he would be our preacher for the wedding. He agreed and had a sit down with me and Derek and two weeks later married us.

The church we got married in is called Church on Abbie Road. It's the same church that I grew up in and also the same one my mom and dad got married in as well as my grandma and step-grandpa.

My hair was short but lucky for me Derek's cousin Whitney Williams and Derek's step-aunt are both hair dressers. With the help of lots of hair spray and some bobbie pins they made my hair look so great. ( thank you Whitney and Shana!)

But who was going to take our pictures on such short notice? Derek's other cousin Ashley took our pictures. She has her own business that she just started up (ablackbirdphotography.com). My Aunt LaVonna also took pictures. Both for no cost. (thank you Aunt LaVonna and Ashley!)

Derek and I have such a great family. We couldn't have done this by ourselves. Thank you to all who helped on our big day!

First Comes Love Then Comes...

Derek and I met through one of my friends. My friend was dating his friend and she set us up. We have been best friends since the day we met. We had out fights just like every couple but we managed to work through everything.



We had been talking for some time about getting engaged at the end of 2008 and getting married after I graduated college.
God decided differently. We found out on a very cold icy day (Feb 1st) that we were going to start our life together a lot sooner than what we planned.

The Thursday before we found out, there was a BIG SNOW. That Friday night I had to baby sit for one of my professors and I had the strange feeling that I was pregnant. Possibly. So after I got done baby sitting at 12:30 at night I swung by our local Wal-Mart and picked up one of those nice little pee sticks. I did what you're supposed to do and was unclear about the result. I had one very distinct pink line and a not-so-there second pink line. I figured that I wasn't pregnant. If I was pregnant it would be TWO PINK LINES.

I sent a text to my friend Jake and asked what his wife Erica's pee stick looked like when they found out they were pregnant. I told him what mine said and he replied back that that was the same thing that Erica got. Unconvinced I woke up the next morning at 6:30 a.m. and took the 2nd test that was in the box. Still no TWO PINK LINES like I wanted. (I was a little in denial)

So I made Derek go to the store and pick up not one but two boxes of pee sticks. One that was either a plus sign or a negative sign and the other a digital read that either said "pregnant" or "not pregnant." Still unsure about the first two tests I took a look at the box more and found a 1-800 number for the tests. I went through the prompts and got the answer that I was searching for even before Derek had come back with the other boxes of tests. I was, sure enough, pregnant.

Just to be on the safe side (because if could be a false positive) I took the two boxes of tests out of Derek's hands as soon as he got in the door and went straight to the bathroom. I took out one of the digital read out sticks and did my business. 3 minuets later. I got the most distinct sign that I had ever seen in my life. It took forever for that little blinking hour glass to turn into that one little word that changed the rest of my life. I of course cried and Derek tried to hide how happy he was so I wouldn't feel bad.

I got dressed in my barn clothes (still crying) and made Derek come out to the barn to keep me company while I cleaned stalls out at Linda Murphy's barn. This was the longest day EVER! After I got done at the barn I went back to the apartment to get cleaned up and Derek went to his dad's to tell them the news.

Derek went in and said to his dad, "Emily's pregnant." His dad just replied "Ok." Lisa (Derek's step mom) came in and just out of no where goes "What's goin on? Is Emily pregnant or something?" Mothers intuition I SWEAR!

I had told my sisters boyfriend Marcus the news and a few of my close friends. But that evening I had to go to my now step-sister-in-law Maddie's bacheloret party. I tried to tell my other step-sister-in-law Ashley that I was pregnant but never got the chance to get her alone to tell her. Finally I asked her if she had anything for a head ache. She said "I got some ibuprofen" and I replied " I don't know if I can take that." She unknowingly said back "Why? Are you pregnant" My jaw hit the floor. I just replied "Well, actually yes."

Last on our list to tell was my parents and Derek's mom. (Breath In... Breath Out...) We told his mom first, over the phone, since she lives in Chicago. Derek called and asked if she could talk. She was at dinner but could tell something was wrong. Derek said "can you talk?" she said "well I'm at dinner" so he said "i'll just call you back later." At this point she knew something was up and made Derek tell her what was up. He just said " Emily's pregnant." The phone stayed silent for a few moments then finally she said. "Ok, well i'll call you back when i get done." She was upset up like every mother, told us that she loved us.

Then it came my turn. I had to face my mom and dad and tell them what was going on.

I walked in the door and greeted my dad and sister and Marcus in the living room then walked back to my moms room where she was sleeping. I shook her a little and told her I needed to talk to her. She rolled over and asked what was wrong. I just sat on the edge of her bed and took a deep breath in and said "well, I'm pregnant." My mom just kind of sat there for a minuet trying to process what I had just told her then finally sat up and said "what?"

I told her when we found out and showed her the little positive test. She put her pillow over her head and took a second to regroup. Just as I though things were going well, my dad decided to come down the hall. My mom of course bolted for the bathroom and said she had to pee. I was bawling my eyes at this point so my dad knew something was up. I wasn't ready to tell him what was going on yet but he persisted and got me to tell him. I wasn't ready to not be my daddy's little girl anymore. I wanted to bad to hold onto that moment before I told him. But I had to tell him and he was not happy.

He then left the room and went to the living room to tell my sister. Poor Marcus had to hide the fact that he already knew as he sat next to my screaming dad rant and rave about how I was pregnant to my sister. My mom came back into the room where I was sitting and so did my sister. We talked for God knows how long and my dad finally came back into the room.

Weeks before, my sister, mom, and I went and saw the movie Juno. (For those who haven't seen the movie, it's about a young girl that gets pregnant) There is a part where Juno has to tell her parents that she is pregnant and the father says "well at least she's not on hard drugs." My sister, God love her, says to my mom and dad "well at least she's not on hard drugs." The only bad part was that my dad hadn't seen the movie and didn't think it was funny.

Everyone settled down a few hours later and I laid in my still sobbing unable to sleep. I got up at around 2 or 3 and drove to Derek's apartment where I finally got a few hours of sleep with my other half.

I had done it though. I told my parents and Derek had told his parents. That was off of our plate. Next was the grandparents.

My grandmother on my moms side had gone through 2 daughters that got pregnant before marriage so I knew she was going to be a breeze to tell. My mom and I called her and met her at her house to tell her the news. She cried of course. But she was happy.

Derek's dad's parents were pretty laid back and easy going so we weren't worried about them either.

The two we were worried about were the two that were the most hard headed and one track minded. Grandma B (my dad's mom) and Grandma Marks (Derek's moms mom). We called Grandma B and set up a Sunday Date with her to tell her. Well, dumb me put that I was pregnant on my myspace page and forgot that my aunt has myspace. So my Aunt LaVonna accidently told grandma b before I got the chance to. Which was ok. Derek and I saw with our pagoda garden take out buffet box and out of no where grandma goes "so when are you gettin married?" We both kind of just looked at each other and were in awe that she knew. She told us that Aunt LaVonna told her so I asked what she thought, and her reply was simply "well, now I have something to live for."

Grandma Marks was pretty much the same and wasn't upset at all like we thought that both of them were going to be.

So the whole family knew now. What's next? Plan a wedding. So we did.