A look back at the last year.

Ok, so tomorrow will officially be one year.

My little man is turning one and I'm not sure that I'm ready for it.
It's so crazy to think about what we have all been through the last year and how much our lives have changed because this tiny little blessing.

I remember when I first told my mom and dad that I was pregnant and how mad/disappointed they were with me. I remember the pain in my dads eyes as he saw his little girl go from HIS little girl to someone else's mom and wife. I remember the stress level that I put all my family through and all the negative feelings that came from this unexpected blessing.

I remember my sister being so mad at me that she couldn't stand being around me and being so upset that I was "throwing my life away."

I remember all the voices and opinions telling me that I shouldn't get married and that it was no doubt going to end in a divorce.

I also remember all the love and support that my family gave me once they came to terms with the situation. I remember how we all came together as a family and how our love has become stronger than ever. I remember my sister laying her head on my shoulder and rubbing my belly at my Grandmothers 75th birthday and how I never loved her more than I did right then. I remember telling my mom at 3 o'clock in the morning that I was going into labor and her dropping everything so she could be there right by my side when I was having Stratton.

I remember having my mom, sister, and husband right there next to me in one of the most memorable moments of my life and being so thankful that they were there for me. I remember the first time I heard Stratton cry and remembering it was more beautiful than any of Beethoven of Bach's symphonies. I remember holding him for the first time and crying for the first time because of pure joy.

I remember the first time I tried to change Stratton's dirty diaper and having to ask my sister for help because I was too weak to stand and I was too scared to do it by myself. I remember being so thankful that I have such a great sister that would do anything for me. I remember the first time we took Stratton home with Derek and being scared shitless and not knowing what to do next. I remember laying in Derek's arms balling my eyes out because I didn't know how to make Stratton quit crying. I also remember my mom coming to save the day at 4 in the morning and her coming over to our house and getting Stratton to sleep within minuets.

I remember the first time Derek changed Stratton's diaper with a hurt hand and Stratton christening his hand with a nice warm glob of baby poop.

I remember all the long nights, bitter fights, sweet kisses, long hugs, tears shed, and anxiety attacks. I also remember getting through it and becoming a stronger person because of it.

I remember looking at my mother for the first time in an all new light. I remember having a new respect for her and an all new love for her. I remember finally forgiving my sister for all the years of bickering. I remember finally being able to have that equal balance between being a mom a wife, and still being my daddy's little girl.

I remember having to be strong when I had nothing else to give. I remember getting that strength from my husband and my family. I remember forgiving people who didn't deserve to be forgiven and then getting stepped on again.

I remember the sound of my grandfathers voice when I told him "goodbye" for the last time. I remember the pain in my mothers eyes when he passed away.

I remember the pain that my family has gone through because of selfish decisions that others have made. I remember having to pick myself up again and again and having to forgive again and again because it's the right thing to do.

But most of all I remember that the biggest reasons why I have made it through all of the bad is because I get to go home everyday to a blessing that God gave me. I have a wonderful husband and a beautiful son that keep me balanced. I have wonder family members that always are a shoulder to cry on and an ear to bitch in.

So, what do I remember the most?

No matter what bad gets thrown in your lap. You can always stand up and rise above it.
You don't have to play the cards that are given to you.
Lastly, there is always strength to be found in the loved ones around you.

Thank you for all of you that have helped Derek, Stratton and I get through this first year. We love you all and are so appreciative of all that have you done no matter how large or small. Thank you for your support. Thank you for your criticism. Thank you for your strength. Thank you for your love. But most of all thank you for being there when we needed you the most.

-E